William Morris

A few days ago, an older couple went through my line at the grocery store. The husband is a frequent customer, but the wife doesn't come in as often, so she said, "Hi, Beth! I haven't seen you in a while! How are you?" We did the small talk thing for a minute, and she said, "What are you studying again?" I politely told her that I had graduated about a year ago, in Art History.

While telling me how she can't believe I'm already done, and how fast the time goes, her husband chimes in, "Oh neat! I have some William Morris ties! I should wear one to show you!"
In my head: William Morris ties? Who the heck is William Morris? Should I know this?? and.. ties??
Out loud: "Oh, cool! Yeah you should wear one sometime."
The man: "Oh I wear them all the time. I have, like, ten!"
"That's awesome." I'm glad their purchase is finished and there's another customer coming...

So, basically, when people hear you studied Art History, they assume you should know the name of every single artist that ever existed. And of course, I couldn't make myself look stupid, so I had to play along!

So I went home and wiki'd William Morris. Apparently he was an English textile designer during the 19th Century. That's great and everything, but uh.. the list of English artists that I am familiar with consists of JMW Turner, Thomas Gainsborough, John Constable, Henry Moore, Benjamin West who doesn't really count, because he was born in Pennsylvania, and William Blake who's mostly known for poetry.

That's a grand total of six artists. We would very briefly touch on furniture design in a few classes, but we didn't talk much about textiles. Maybe if I had studied Interior Design?

His designs are nice enough, I suppose... but next time that man comes in, if he happens to be wearing a tie with a print that looks like it belongs on an ugly armchair, I can look at him with my all-knowing-art-historian's smile and say, "William Morris?"

Thanks, Wikipedia.

Ok, I think this one's kinda pretty.

On, "Do you have anymore in The Back?"

Just a little advice for the next time the grocery store is out of an item and you want to know if they have any more "in The Back."

1. The Back is not some mystical, magical place that, though smaller than the main store, somehow holds all of everything on never-running-out shelves. The Back consists of maybe 3 or 4 cases tops per aisle of the items that can't go out because the shelf is already full. Which means those aren't the items you would be asking for.

2. When an employee says, "I'm not sure, let me check," there is a very small chance that item will be there. If they are going to look for you, it's probably because the item comes from an outside vendor, or they recently had a delivery from their warehouse and they think that maybe that item could have been missed. But mostly they're just being nice.

3. When an employee says, "No, I'm sorry, we don't," trust them. Don't just assume they are being lazy and/or unhelpful. They go back there a lot more frequently than you do, and are therefore much more familiar with how The Back works. Grocery stores can't keep back-stock of everything they carry. Unless your desired item is on the store's Ad for an amazing price, it wont be in The Back.

4. When an employee says, "No, we don't," and you insist that they go back and look anyway, they will: try to hide their sigh of frustration at your wasting their time, walk to The Back, and then stand there for 30 seconds to a minute "fake checking." For real. They will then come out to tell you that to your dismay, they were right, and there isn't any [whatever] in The Back.

So basically, unless you have a valid reason for disbelieving your friendly neighborhood grocer's employees, trust them and believe them when they apologize and tell you they don't have any of whatever it is you wanted in The Back. They have no reason to lie to you- they want you to spend money!

But don't think this means you can't ask- because sometimes that item is back there. Asking is not the problem. Showing that you are annoyed that they don't walk back there to "check," because you don't think there's any way they could possibly know off the top of their head is the problem.

And if you do ask, and the item is in The Back- consider yourself a lucky duck, 'cause you just beat the odds.

Also

Once upon a time, a customer walked into the store carrying a frozen dinner and said,

"Do you guys have a microwave I can use? 'Cause I just blew mine up."

Yeah, for real.

Grocery Woes

Inspired by my friend Symantha's last post, I am going to talk about my job.

Sometimes it gets really old.
Here are just a few of the things that get old because they happen every day:

• When customers tell me they have their own bags after I've bagged their entire $100 order.
• When customers hand me food wrappers and tell me they couldn't wait. I hope your card doesn't decline, 'cause then you just shoplifted.
• When someone hands me a still-wrapped candy bar, slobbery and indented with teethmarks, and says their kid doesn't want it anymore.
• When people hold their groceries back on the belt until I've finished the current transaction. It's there for a reason, and that is to get rid of you sooner! So let the stuff go!
• When people slide their card like they're trying to start a lawn mower. Be gentle, people!
• When people push their groceries forward on the belt, and onto my scale. I am a fast checker- I promise you every vegetable will get a turn! 
• When people rearrange their groceries after they've put them down. All you do is get in my way. Basically, once you put your groceries on the belt, you don't get to touch them again until you are taking them out of the bags at your house.
• When people tell me what they think the price is for every item. Thank you, the computer knows.
• When people put their groceries up one at a time, waiting for me to scan each one, watching the register to make sure it's the right price. I promise, grocery stores do not have some massive conspiracy to rip you off as soon as you look away.
• When someone stops me out on the floor, holds up an item, and says, "How much is this?" Just because I work here does not mean I have the entire price list memorized. Maybe you should try looking at the tag, or go to a checkstand.
• As always- people who yack on their cell phone while being helped, or who stand there texting when I'm waiting for payment. Especially when they get annoyed at me for so rudely interrupting their conversation to say, "39.80."
• This conversation, or a close variation: "The sign says it's (amount.)" "Ok, let's go double check." .... "Looks like the sign you saw was actually for that product, five items away." "...So it's not (amount)?"
• When people take their receipt from me and then leave it on the end of my checkstand. If you don't want it, tell me and I will happily throw it in my conveniently-placed trashcan.
• When customers cram items they don't want into the magazine rack at the checkstand. I am right here, just hand it to me so I can put it where it goes!
• When people hit on the cashiers.

This next part gets its own list, because it is especially dear to my heart...

Bad Jokes I literally hear ALL of these, every day:

• Do you accept cash?
• (Referring to name tags) Hey! You all have the same last name! Checker!
• (When an item doesn't scan) That means it's free, right?
• (To Underage cashiers) "No beer sold in this lane." Aw, guess I can't get the rootbeer...
• (To the card reader) "Is (amount) ok?" Well no, I'd prefer it to be free!

No offense- I know you are trying to be clever, and I'm pretty sure my own dad is probably guilty... but it wasn't funny the last 50 times I heard it.

I could go on and on about this stuff for days. Fortunately most of the offenses occur at the checkstand, and I get to wander all over the store for the majority of my shifts. I feel sorry for the cashiers...

So what do we do to maintain our sanity, working in a place where the same thing happens every single day?? The only option is to try and find ways to amuse ourselves.

This is a super crappy photo of a photo, but...

When we find toys left behind by customers, we do a little customizing and put them in our office. Here we have a Venom/Easter bunny, Transformers/Pooh, and others.


And sometimes we name the employees after Star Wars characters.

Just do what ya gotta do!

#3: Meet Andy

This is Andy Goodwill! 

 

  

He works for our grocery store, and he was my birthday present from my coworkers. 

Personally I think he looks like an awkward mix of Brandon McBeth and Mario...

Andy with a Hat.

And he looks really creepy standing in the window at night.

He'll probably end up in our dumpster eventually...

Why Can I Not Say No?

Looks like I will be working more than I ever have this week, with a grand total of 55 hours. I think I might die. They need extra help, can you please come in? Sure, why not! GAH. It's ok to say no, Beth...

Edit: I called them back and said no. Back to 50 hours, which is still more than I want, but doable.

Spoiled, Much??

What is the DEAL with children these days?

I feel like every child I come in contact with lately (mainly at the grocery store) has a serious case of brattiness.

Parents, PLEASE discipline your children! They are not your little buddy, they are not your best friend, they are not bigger than you, and they are not your boss!

Please teach your children when it is appropriate to be quiet and when it is ok to be louder. While you are in a public store, or anywhere indoors, an "inside voice" is preferred. That means NOT screaming, especially for no reason. Hint: You screaming at your child to shut up does not send the correct message and is one hundred percent ineffective. Also- when you are playing outside, some yelling is ok; they are children. But blood-curdling, I'm-bleeding-to-death-or-in-serious-pain screaming, especially on repeat, is NOT ok.

Whining. As above- if you, in your most whiney, babyish voice, try to get your children to "stoppp it guysss" they will not only probably not stop, due to your lack of assertiveness, but they will learn to whine too!

If your child hits you or a sibling, do not swat them back whilst saying "no hitting!" As should be clear now, children learn from example, and your actions do indeed speak louder than your words. And then the rest of us have to suffer because of them.

Keep them under control! The grocery store is not a playground! Do not let them climb on the carts or displays, do not let them throw toys (or anything for that matter), and do not let them go running around playing hide 'n seek or tag! Do not let them ride their scooters, rollerblades, bicycles, or "heelies." And if they make a mess, we would appreciate it if you would please have them clean it up. Today our toy aisle was covered with about 50 bouncy balls- everywhere. Some harmless old lady could have accidentally stepped on one and broken a hip! And we would have been accountable for your stupidity! For the love, people.

When you are shopping, and your child decides his world will come crashing down if you do not immediately buy him that candy bar NOW, show him that he will survive by saying No! It's ok to buy your kid a treat every now and again; my mom did and I think we turned out ok. But do it as a reward for good, quiet, patient, behavior. Never reward a tantrum!! A couple months ago a mother and her two daughters came to our store. Things were going fine until the youngest decided she wanted a treat when they were getting ready to leave. The mom said no, and proceeded to walk to the exit. The girl melted to the floor in a classic tantrum- kicking, screaming, crying- the whole shebang. The mom kept walking, and told her child, "ok, see you later!" I was so proud. But alas, it was fleeting, for then the mom gave up, came back, and bought the kid a freaking ice cream! I mean for crying out loud! You'd think the kid had done this before, the way it worked so perfectly! I'm sure she has. And will continue to.

Also, if you know your child is tantrum-prone, and you want them to have something to play with while you shop, please bring your own toys from home. We checkers do not enjoy the shriek-fest that comes when, an hour of shopping-and-child-bonding-with-toy later, you finally take it away.

Personally I think the oompa loompas said it best:

Oompa Loompa doompadee do,
I've got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa doompadee dee,
If you are wise you will listen to me.
Who do you blame when your kid is a brat-
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?
Blaming the kids is a lion of shame,
You know exactly who's to blame:
The mother and the father!
Oompa Loompa doompadee dah,
If you're not spoiled then you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do!

Thank you to every mom who has the courage to say "No" and sticks to it.

True Story

Today a random customer tugged on my ponytail and called me "Princess."


Not okay.

Hipocrisy much?

So the other day at work, I was contentedly stocking the shelves (cheesy tatoes, to be exact) and I noticed many of the boxes already on the shelf were missing the top right corner. Someone had ripped them all off. Why would anyone do such a thing? I looked at a non-ripped box, and discovered that the "Box tops for Education" things are in that corner.

Someone actually stole box tops for education.
And ruined our product doing it, so they basically stole that from us too.

How can you steal those?! We decided that doing such a thing basically makes you a really horrible person. Hope your school enjoys the stolen points, ya jerk.

Hail!

Well, I hoped I'd get something to write about...

Yesterday I rode my bike to work, cause it looked like it would be stormy in the evening when Nate gets off, and I wanted him to have the car since his commute is longer. When I left, it was dry but cold, and in the distance (by my work) were huge, evil-looking black clouds. My thoughts: better ride fast.

I got about halfway to work when out of nowhere a huge hailstorm broke out, and I was pelted with thousands of little ice pellets. Of course I was riding against the intense wind also, so they were all hitting me in the face. I could barely see anything and had to ride one-handed whenever I could to block my face with my other hand. Ever had a sandstorm blow at you when you had wet legs? It stings like crazy. So does hail to the face.

Normally, I'd probably get super upset about this, but for whatever reason I was in a great mood, and even found myself laughing at my misfortune. When I got to work, I looked like a sickly wet puppy, hair blown askew and dripping all over my face. Not to mention my face was bright pink.

Today my awesomely awesome sister-in-law is going to drive me, cause I don't feel like being damp at work again. :)

Good news!

So, in case you haven't already heard...

no, I'm not pregnant.

I'm the newest supervisor at Allen's! It's cool, cause I got a pretty hefty raise, and I wont have to live in a checkstand all day. I have a ton of stuff to learn, but I'm excited for it. And I have to say that we have some of the best customers at our store. Sure, we've had some interesting experiences (see also Listerine Man) but for the most part, our customers are pretty neat. I was showered with compliments about how I'll make a great supervisor and was even told by some that they were proud of me. :) [Now don't think I was gloating, telling every person who came by; most just happened to overhear me talking with other checkers and wanted to know the news.]

It's also now a requirement for me to have a car at work (at least most days), so I don't have to ride my bike anymore. Not sure what Nate's going to do, because I don't really like the idea of him riding home after dark every day, but he might be able to quit his crappy job now anyway. He was hired to work in a science lab at BYU, so once his professor actually has a consistent amount of hours for him to work, he'll quit BB.

Nate was finally able to take a day off and go get some mountain biking in- he's in Virgin, UT right now with a bunch of buddies, while I sit bored at home waiting to go to work (downside of being the lowest supervisor on the totem pole- I have to close a LOT).

Overall, school and work are going well for both of us, and life is good. If only something as exciting as the Listerine man would happen again, to liven things up a bit...

Umm..

Tonight I'm feeling thankful for my fun coworkers. I laughed SO much at work today, and that makes the time go by much faster.
I'm also thankful for the Moosetracks ice cream I'm about to eat.
And I'm thankful for our freakin' sweet new Honda Element, cause it is dang awesome.

Babies and Drag Queens

No, I really don't think that living at Wymount is going to make me want a baby any sooner. No offense to any of my friends or family with kids, pregnant, or trying to get pregnant- I love children. I just know I personally am not ready for one of my own. I think I'm too immature.

Why, you ask?

Yesterday at work, a woman came through my checkstand with a snotty-nosed, crying little baby sitting in the cart. I know the poor thing had no control over its nose-runnage, but still. When its going down their neck, can't mommy wipe it off?? Anyway. I picked up the woman's items one at a time and scanned them into the register as usual. It wasn't until I got to of the last items, a bag of Chips Ahoy, that I became thoroughly disgusted by the tiny excuse of a person accompanying this woman. Upon lifting said cookies, a large, brownish-red string of slimey goo came with it, nearly landing on my bare hands. Under the cookies was an amazingly large puddle of brownish-red snot. I nearly gagged. Apparently, Snot-baby had been holding these cookies, and lovingly slimed all over them. Blegh! Even the child's own mother was grossed out, and opted out of buying the cookies! And then, while trying to keep the last couple items out of the snot, she was successful in landing some things in it anyway. I seriously have never seen so much goop at one time. I was SO grossed out, and felt sorry for the next woman in line, whose food was also dangerously close to the mess. After the mother and child left, I doused my entire checkstand with Windex, washed my hands three times in Purell, and tried not to think of what I had just witnessed.

I am indeed too immature for a little snotbag of my own. (but ya gotta love 'em, right?)

In other news..
A drag queen also came through my line yesterday. He was a rather large man, I'd say 6 feet, and not exactly skinny. Why are drag queens always so non-feminine looking?? Anyway, he had on quite the display of makeup, including mascara, eyeliner, shimmering eyeshadow, and specs of glitter all over his face. He also had bracelets covering the lower half of each arm. I have to say, I was caught off-guard, but also kind of excited. How often do you get to see a drag queen in Provo?? I just wish he'd been wearing a dress.

Carpets & Little Blessings

I'm currently sitting in the apartment, bored, waiting for the carpet cleaners to come. The owners of our complex told us that our carpets were scheduled to be cleaned sometime today and that we had to get as much as possible off our floors. Unfortunately, they neglected to give us a time frame, so I have no idea when the surprise visit will happen. So until they come, our bathroom and little kitchen are crammed full of the items that previously sat on the floor of our bedroom or living room, and its pretty annoying. It's my day off this week, and I cant even get to the dishwasher or sink without having to fight with a lamp or the sideways coffee table. Oh well. They better get here soon, so I can try to put everything back and once again have a functioning home.

Anyway...

A few weeks ago I experienced a little blessing in the form of a four-year old boy at the grocery store. Most days I truly enjoy my job, but of course sometimes I can get irritated at customers or impatient to go home. This happened to be one of those days when time went too slowly and I wanted to be done. For a few minutes there weren't any customers checking out, and my fellow checker Charlotte and I were just chatting to pass the time. All of the sudden, we saw a little boy go toodling by with a large pack of fireworks over his shoulder.

Now, you have to be sixteen years old to buy fireworks, and we expected to see a mother following behind with a shopping cart. But after a minute or two, no mother appeared. Struck with curiosity, Charlotte and I decided just to watch and see what this boy would do. 

We have two or three shopping carts that have an extra seat attached to the back, where bigger kids can sit while their parents shop. I hate these carts. They are almost twice as long as a normal cart, and they are impossible to steer without difficulty. However, whenever this little boy comes into the store, the mother kindly takes the giant cart and lets him ride in the big kid seat. So, even without a parent, that's the cart he chose.

I watched as this little boy, barely tall enough to reach the handle determinedly removed the brake, threw his fireworks in the cart, and began to maneuver it through the store, amazingly without knocking anything over. He made his way down the store, and finally when he started to get himself some frozen dinners, Charlotte went to ask where his parents were. He explained that his big sister was in the store and he was helping her shop. By now some customers were ready to purchase their food, so our supervisor Dexter took over with the kid. They left the giant cart off to the side and proceeded to look for the big sister. They even called her name over the intercom when they couldn't find her. Meanwhile, the little boy was completely fearless and not worried about anything. He just wanted to buy his stuff!

Dexter: "Did you know you have to be at least 16 to buy fireworks?"

Boy: "I'm old enough!"

Dexter: "Oh, really? And how old is that?"

Boy: "Four."

(Apparently he only needed his sister for the money)

Upon discovering that there was indeed no sister in the store, Dexter decided he would walk the boy home. When they got outside, the boy surprised him by hopping onto a tricycle and heading off! He had actually "driven" himself to the store. On the way, Dexter continued to chat with him.

Dexter: "Did you know it's called a TRIcycle because it has three wheels?"

Boy: "Nuh-uh, it has four!"

Dexter: "...really?"

Boy, counts the wheels: "One, two, three. HEY!"

Upon arriving at his house, Dexter learned that nobody had even known the boy was missing. He was supposed to be playing at a friend's house, but he had seen his sister and her friend head out to the store and decided to follow them. They had no idea he was ever there, and they left the store without him. Apparently he was unfazed, because when he walked into the house all he said was that "I need money!" 

He really wanted those fireworks.

This was probably a frightening experience to his mother when she learned that her little boy had been all by himself in a public place. But for those of us who were working, impatient to go home, it lifted spirits and brought laughter to a previously boring day. It also made for a great story. Now whenever that little boy comes in the store (with his family), I can't help but smile and admire his fearlessness and determination.

Listerine Man

My grocery store is a most exciting place to work.

A few weeks back, I was nonchalantly chillin' in my little checkstand, waiting for a customer to purchase something, when I noticed my two supervisors looking very interested in something out of my view. About two seconds later, a large, shirtless, minty-scented man with a beer belly hanging over his belt came to my line. My supervisors were there instantly, to make sure he didn't do anything weird, but they were too late. To my surprise, the man was holding an open bottle of Listerine, and before I could realize what was happening, he nearly re-baptized me when he began pouring it all over his face and body. This was accompanied by a shrill, "OW, my eyes! This better not ruin them!"

Supervisor: Sir, you're going to have to pay for that... [reaches for the bottle to scan it]

Listerine Man: [jumps back] DON'T touch me!!

Supervisor: I just need the bottle to ring it up..

At this point I quickly moved out of my checkstand and invited my supervisor to take the purchase. I was somewhat frightened by the crazy man who I assumed was already drunk and trying to get another quick alcohol fix. The man handed over the Listerine, followed by a soaking wet $20. As he left, my supervisor told him he needed to be wearing a shirt the next time he came in. As if that was the biggest issue.

We called the police to have them look for the man, to make sure he didn't harm himself or others in his drunken state- in the meantime many other customers asked me what was going on with the man outside pouring Listerine on himself. It took a few minutes for the shock to wear off.

Apparently the man had started his little cleansing process over on the Listerine aisle before coming to my checkstand, and my supervisors had been carefully watching him to see what would happen next. Then the police got back to us after finding the man wandering the streets and had some information to make the situation that much more interesting.

First, they followed him in their car as he walked up the street. When the man realized he was being followed, he began to speed up. The police caught up to him and asked what he was trying to do. His response? Looking for a good place to pull over. Naturally. Then they asked him about his Listerine shower. Well, someone had spat on the man (supposedly) and the Listerine was to protect him from getting Herpes. Naturally.

The police told us that this man was neither drunk nor high- he is merely crazy, and they have dealt with him in other random situations like this. I have not seen him since, but hopefully he's ok.

It only took three hours for the minty-freshness to fade from the store.

Then, about two weeks ago, I was in my checkstand helping a customer when a huge CRASH!! made me jump out of my skin. I turned to see a large section of the front wall of our store moved forward and separated from the rest of the wall. A shelf of keys, watch batteries, and hearing aids had jumped forward about 4 feet, and I could see the parking lot outside. A 16 year old girl with her Learner's Permit had just rammed through the store in her huge truck.

My grocery store is a most exciting place to work.

Welcome!

Well, blogs seem to be the thing to do now to keep your friends and family updated on your life, so I figured why not give it a shot.

Things were pretty stressful these last few days, as Nate had to take a hard Anatomy final and started a new job on the same day. We also got in a little bit of a fender bender that morning leaving for school, so it was a rough start. Luckily everything with that has worked out without much difficulty, and Nate is really excited for his new job. 

He works at a place called Lizard Skins, which is a supplier of mountain bike stuff for other distributors and bike shops. Nate contacts the other places and asks them to buy the Lizard Skins stuff. Thankfully its a fairly well-known brand with lots of stuff bikers need. Nate gets paid about the same amount he got at his last job (where he'll keep working part-time), but he gets commission on top of it! And he's already made over $40 commission after just 2 days of work. yay! He'll also get to help with product design once he gets used to how things work there, and I think he's going to love that part.

As for me, I'm just trying to not go crazy from school. I have 3 papers all due within a day of each other, and am not looking forward to doing them. But such is life. I'm still loving my Italian class, and find it comes rather easily for me- hopefully I'll be fluent someday! I'm also still majoring in Art History, with a Spanish minor, and enjoy learning about all the different types of art and the history behind it. I did have a momentary lapse a few weeks ago and again wondered if that's really what I should be studying (instead of something that would let me take care of baby chimp orphans...) but realized it is something I love, and to change my major in my 3rd year would be kinda annoying, and I'd probably regret it. Finals are coming up (Nate's was earlier than usual), so I've got to study for everything too. I'm glad another semester is coming to a close.

I'm still loving my little grocery store job! I have an Italian friend who speaks almost no English that always comes through my line now, and its so much fun. He helps me practice what I'm learning and is nice about it when I make mistakes. :) I also have the opportunity to practice my Spanish everyday, and the native speakers LOVE it. They always ask me where I served my mission, and are surprised when I say I haven't, since that's where most Provo-dwellers learn.

I'm hoping to apply for a Supervising position at my job; one is opening up soon. I talked to some of the current supervisors and they encouraged me to go for it, cause they think I'm a good candidate. I'd be working a few more hours, but not too many with Summer coming up- and better yet, I'd be getting more money! That's always good. We'll see how it goes.

So, that's our life in a nutshell, at least for the moment.