My Son has a Death Wish

First of all, welcome to the new blog layout. I hope you like it.

Second of all,

Holy Crap My Son is Making Me Crazy!!

Tommy is an extremely wiggly baby. And when I say wiggly I mean, he is constantly going. He can't quite crawl yet (though I predict he will by the end of the week- no joke!) but he just goes, and goes, and goes. 

They call it "Hyperactive" or "High Need." Anyone else have a hyperactive baby? This website has some good information about it- finally I feel like there must be other people out there dealing with this, and I'm not totally alone. 

Some parts that describe us fairly well: 

The cry of a high need baby is not a mere request, it's an urgent demand. These babies put more energy into everything they do. They cry loudly, feed voraciously, laugh with gusto, and protest more forcefully if their needs are not met to their satisfaction. Because they feel so deeply, they react more powerfully if their feelings are disturbed. "If I don't feed him as soon as he fusses, he falls apart" is a common statement from the mother of such a baby. 

Tommy doesn't cry the way you normally think of a baby crying. When he wants something, he literally yells at us. In this obnoxious-but-sometimes-adorable-and-hilarious little baby language until we meet the need. It often makes us laugh. But if we don't do it quickly enough and he does cry? Read on.

After a while, I found myself going into over-drive instantly whenever she cried, because I knew if it got out of control she'd quickly disintegrate and it would take her a long time to come back around. I became obsessive in trying to prevent her from getting upset in any way because there was hell to pay if she did.

This is us, 100%. When Tommy wakes up only 20 minutes into his nap, we try to get to him with a pacifier before he wakes up enough to cry. Otherwise that nap was completely worthless, because we'll spend the next hour trying to calm him/get him to sleep. And then the rest of the day is messed up, and I am not a happy mommy.

About 3 months. "Yelling."

Also, cry-it-out does not work for Tommy. I've tried it. No matter how long you let him "cry it out," he will not. settle. down. Period. My mom even flew out here a few weeks ago to grant me some sanity and sleep by dealing with Tommy during the night, and one day while Nate and I were out, she tried CIO. When we got home, even she agreed that it doesn't work with him. And she's the Baby Whisperer.

"Why do high need babies need more of everything but sleep?" groaned a tired mother. You would think that high need babies would need more sleep; certainly their tired parents do.

This might be our biggest problem. I don't know what the deal is, but hyperactive babies, as tired as you would expect them to be, SUCK at sleeping. Tommy literally CANNOT make himself relax. No matter how tired he gets. And once he does fall asleep, he wakes up. During the day its after very short periods- 30 or 40 minutes, sometimes resulting in a total daily naptime of about 2-3 hours. At this age he "should be" getting about 4. I wish. And during the night, he wakes up over and over because he moves all over the place. Hyperactive babies are restless. I have to go in multiple times a night to give him his pacifier so he'll go back to sleep. Therefore I may be in bed for 7 hours, but with all the interruptions its sometimes like being awake all night.

And this: HI Mom!! I only slept for 5 minutes but I feel SO Refreshed!

Swaddling doesn't help, because he can get out of all of them. Even the velcro ones, even the uber-velcro ones. We have to do a blanket swaddle to get him to sleep, because if his hands are out he rubs his face over and over, takes out his pacifier, and just keeps himself awake. Then he gets his arms out in his sleep and proceeds to roll around. And I've tried many times to get him to sleep unswaddled, and it probably only worked twice. When he was ridiculously exhausted. And I'm pretty sure I was too. AND he didn't stay asleep for long.

Isn't this thing supposed to keep me restrained?

SO.
(Still reading?)
When Tommy was younger, we could rock him almost to sleep, and put him in his crib while he was still slightly awake, and he would go to sleep the rest of the way on his own. It was great. Sometimes it took a long time to get to that point, but things were relatively good. Tommy was learning to go to bed without needing us to get him all the way out.

Then about 4 weeks ago, Tommy started flipping out if we tried to put him down while he was still slightly awake (another High Needs Baby tendency: separation sensitivity). He would burst into tears and we would have to start all over with a baby that was practically inconsolable. His crying felt like he was having his heart broken- Mommy is leaving me all alone in this bed and I'm never going to see her again ever! I felt like I was breaking his trust. I quickly gave up this ridiculous game because I couldn't take it anymore, and went ahead and rocked him all the way to sleep. In a rocking chair, in my lap, in a blanket-swaddle, with soothing music playing on my phone. And there I sit, replacing his pacifier over and over while he cries, until he finally falls asleep, and then after about ten minutes (for fear of him not being asleep enough and freaking out all over again) I go put him in his crib.

The only way he will fall asleep. After much fussing.

And this, friends, is where I am still stuck. Thank goodness my parents got me an iPhone, so I can at least entertain myself for the crazy amount of time I spend in that chair (and thank goodness its a cushy couch rocker thing and not hard wood!).

But this too, is starting to fall apart. It's starting not to work. Naptime and bedtime are getting harder again, and I'm running out of ideas. The last two nights in a row, we haven't been able to get him to sleep till about 10:30! He used to be asleep by 8 or 8:30, which was so nice, but now he pretty much just fights us that whole time. (Even leaving him alone doesn't work- like I said, he can't self-soothe). The worst part is that its obvious that he's super tired, but for whatever reason he can't/wont sleep.

And SOME days (I'm almost done, I promise), I feel nothing but compassion for him. Oh, poor baby, what's wrong? Why wont you sleep?

Other days I have to leave the room and close the door so I wont hurt him! Sounds awful, doesn't it? You're probably not a mom.

And those days (yesterday) are the ones that I have a complete meltdown. I've yelled at him before- told him to shut up and go to sleep already! (He's only 5 months old!) And then I just completely fall apart and sob, because I know he's an innocent little baby and he can't help it. And I feel like an awful mother, and wonder how God could have entrusted me with such a sweet little baby when I have so many, many flaws.

I love my son. He is the biggest blessing in my life. But some days he is also the biggest frustration, and  sometimes I don't know how to handle it.

On a lighter note! We took Tommy swimming for the first time today, and although he wasn't too thrilled at first, he quickly cheered up and giggled whenever I popped out from underwater and surprised him. I'll post pics of that tomorrow.

I love this little stinker. With all of my heart. Even though some days I'm not sure he's going to see his first birthday, I would never go back to life without him. All of the frustration is worth it, even though sometimes that's hard to remember.

A Little Bit of Everything

School: In case you haven't heard, or didn't know what the "Little Apple" meant, Nate and I are moving to Kansas! He was accepted to their graduate program in Agronomy and starts this Fall. We have a Bar Mitzvah to go to out there at the end of July, so that is probably when we'll go ahead and make our move. That will be nice 'cause my parents are going to the Bar Mitzvah too, and can therefore help us out! Convenient, I think. There's no place for a car seat in a U-haul, so Baby and I will probably fly out. Driving with a kid who has to eat every 2 hours or so? Not happening.

Anyway, the professor that Nate will be working with seems really nice- he even helped us get in touch with some church members that have helped us figure out a few housing options. The professor is LDS too... so that's nice too. Nate is going to fly out in a couple weeks to finally meet him in person, check out campus, and do any other paperwork they might need to make this whole thing "officially official." We're very happy because K-State was Nate's top choice for grad school. We really wanted him to go there because: the professor knew Nate's mentor-prof from BYU and came highly recommended; Nate will be paid a stipend for his work on the research project they will be doing; tuition will basically be covered; Nate will be able to be a graduate TA (or whatever it's called) to bring in a little more money; the stupid GRE wasn't a requirement for admission, so he didn't have to take it! Plus it's close to a bunch of my family that I don't currently get to see very often, so I'm especially excited about that. Sunflower State here we come!

Subbing: As you know, Nate and I have both been substitute teaching for a couple months. Some days aren't that bad, and others are just plain awful. I feel so old saying this, but kids these days! Sheesh. Who knew that 6-10 year olds could be so disrespectful? Sometimes we get nothing done because I have to spend a ton of time getting them regrouped. First-graders are the worst! Every thirty seconds a different one is tugging at your shirt saying "teeeacher?" And I can't use sarcasm with them because they don't get it yet! I usually sub at the school where my mom teaches, often in 4th grade, and that's better... but yeah, they can be such a pain. I usually come home pretty exhausted and not wanting to take a job for the next day. Luckily since I'm in the same grade at the same school most often, the kids are doing better with me. But when you go into a completely new class- and the elementary students out here rotate classes for different subjects- there is very little time to establish authority. I have plenty of stories to share, but I'll save those for later, since this is going to be a long post anyway. At least it's an income!

Church: Speaking of subbing for 1st graders, Nate and I are now the teachers for the 5-year old Sunday school class. Luckily there are only 7 of them, and they are much easier to handle. Though some of them like to cling on me, which gets irritating. I have a big belly, I'm already uncomfortable without someone else's kid tugging at my arms and resting their head on me!

Image from babycenter.com

Baby! I'm now at 30 weeks, and everything continues to go just fine. This kid is still super active. I read somewhere that you should count how many times Baby moves in one hour, so I did. It said to include every single movement- ie: every hiccup vs. a case of hiccups. Guess how many times he moved? 127. In 60 minutes. So an average of two kicks/somersaults/hiccups every minute! It's usually more than that per minute, with a break for a minute or two here and there. But I'm glad he's active, and I doubt that will change once he's out! He's going to keep us very busy, I am sure. One night Nate had his hand on my belly and Baby had a little spazz attack- it feels like he's kicking and pounding his fists and shaking his head all at the same time, or doing a flip or something- and Nate said, "How can you ever think about anything else?!" I just laughed. I can't! That's why I suddenly say "ow!" and clutch at my side or gasp all the time! At least Nate can sort of understand, having felt some of these crazy kicks himself.

I had to do the dreaded Glucose Tolerance Test a few weeks ago. Everyone always talks about how disgusting the drink is, and how they can't imagine ever drinking orange soda ever again. It really was not that big of a deal. And that's exactly what it tasted like! Flat orange soda. So what? I think the hard part is that you can't eat or drink anything afterward until they take your blood, and I did want to wash the stuff down with a good drink of water. But I lived. Your blood has to be taken pretty much exactly one hour after you finish the drink, or it can mess up the results- they want to know how much of the glucose has been integrated? is that the right word? into your system in that amount of time. So when I went in and the NP checked my belly and Baby's heartbeat and then left the room, I sat waiting for the phlebotomist to come in a take my blood. I waited... and waited... wondering whether this was going to happen on time or not, because even though the drink wasn't as terrible as I'd heard, I did not particularly want to drink it again. So finally someone sticks their head in and says, "aren't you supposed to get your blood drawn?" I said yes, but nobody hsa come in to do it. Well, apparently I was supposed to magically know without anyone telling me to go down the hall to their lab. So I rushed over and made it just in time- a minute or two more and they would have had me do it all over again. If I'd had to come back, that NP would be on my poop list! Why didn't she tell me to go down there? Some of us have only been pregnant once, and don't get their blood drawn every day.

ANYway... The glucose test/Gestational Diabetes is the only thing I've really been nervous about with this pregnancy. I know I'm thin and fairly healthy and blahblah, so I "shouldn't worry about it," but I know a couple people that I would categorize the same way who did have GD. And my oldest sister had it, so that made me nervous too. I've been trying to eat less sugar and less carbs in order to avoid it, but honestly- carbs are delicious, and I eat them a lot. So when I went back in for my next appointment, I was super relieved and even a little excited to hear that I passed the glucose test! By a lot! The nurse said that my blood sugar level of 83 gave me bragging rights (if its above 130 they do more extensive tests) and that I was the "picture of a perfect pregnancy." I wasn't even close to 130! I felt really good about that.

I really have had a great, easy pregnancy. I hear the last trimester is the longest, most uncomfortable time- here's to ten or twelve more weeks of everything going well, and a happy healthy baby boy!

I'll try to be better about blogging so my posts aren't so long next time. Also, check out my Book Blog! I've been good about posting there so far, so I will try to do the same here.

Ultrasound

Ok, so it's been a while since we had the ultrasound, but I'm finally going to write about it!

I was 22 weeks. Mom and Dad got to come with us, which was neat because my mom hasn't seen an ultrasound since she was pregnant with me! And apparently it's a lot more high-tech now than it was 25 years ago. I was so excited to get to see my little one squirming around and to find out the sex! Everyone in my family suspected it was a boy- I think that may just be because we all wanted it to be a boy- and we would have been shocked to find out it was a girl. But he's definitely a boy! And not a shy one, either. Some may be curious, but I'm not going to post his little-boy parts on the internet for the world to see. Just 'cause he's still in the womb doesn't mean he'd be ok with that! Here's his cute little face instead.

I was fascinated by the ultrasound- even to the point of considering becoming a tech myself! What a cool and interesting job. I was told they "look at everything," during the ultrasound, but I had no idea how literal that was. They really DO look at EVERYTHING. It was so awesome! They looked at his heart, lungs, spine, brain, kidneys, etc etc... And then they checked for his hands and feet, and made sure they could see all his fingers and toes. He's got ten of each! One of my favorite parts, and something I'll never forget, was while she was looking for his toes. He was holding his big toe in his little hand and wouldn't let go of it. It was pretty clear there was a toe in there, but I guess the tech has to actually see it to record it, so she kept jostling the wand around my belly, bouncing it to try and get him to let go. He's already pretty stubborn, because it took a minute. It was adorable. I didn't think of it till afterward, but I wish she had printed the photo of that. Oh well. Just seeing the baby move around makes everything way more real, but seeing him do something so.... human? baby-ish? as grabbing his big toe made it even more real than that. There is a little person in there! And he's going to have his own personality. I already love him.

He also kept kicking the lady's hand wherever she had the wand. What a little stinker!

Afterwards we called all immediate family members to tell them a little boy is on the way. Dorsey girls screamed - one may have even teared up a little - and everyone on my side said, "we knew it!" even though nobody really knew it. It was fun.

19 Weeks

Today I am 19 weeks pregnant. Almost halfway! I've been feeling little "flutters" for a couple weeks now. Everything I've read/everyone I've talked to has described it as feeling like gas bubbles or butterflies. To me it feels exactly like a muscle spasm. Little twitches in the same place on and off.

Last night I had my hand on my belly where the flutters were, and I finally felt it in my hand! The little one kicked me somethin' good! It was super weird, but really cool at the same time. I wasn't expecting to feel it either, so it totally surprised me and I said, "whoa!" It was exciting. Later I tried to have Nate feel it, but of course, as in every case, Baby stopped kicking as soon as his hand was there. It will be easier for him to feel it later anyway, once Baby and my belly are bigger.

I have a long story about how my doctor and his office are awful and I'm going to go somewhere else, but my tummy is rumbling (not the baby- I'm hungry!) so it will have to wait till after I am nourished.

It's True!

We are having a baby!

He/she is due sometime around April 6th. I am currently 16 weeks along (about 4 months).

Some random facts:

- I never had even the slightest hint of morning sickness.

- I had my first craving at about 6 weeks, and didn't realize it until I got back from shopping with a whole bunch of orange foods- oranges, cantaloupe, juice, and carrots. No weird combinations though.

- I have to eat about 5 meals a day, or heads will roll. I feel like a glutton.

- I have really vivid, super weird dreams and I almost always remember them. Like the one of Grandma climbing a tree to rescue her dog, which was actually an extremely non-weird one.

- Had my first ultrasound at 9 weeks to make sure I was actually pregnant due to the lack of sickness. Got to see the little peanut for the first time and s/he was kicking like crazy. We like to say we can already tell that Baby will be an excellent biker, just like Dad.

- I went from "Oh my goodness there's really a baby in there!" to "Holy crap there's only one way that thing is coming out" in a matter of seconds. But I was really giddy.

- Weird reaction, I guess you call it, that I've had is itchiness on the palms of my hands and soles of my feet. It's annoying, but I guess it's better than throwing up every day. Just hope it doesn't turn into prurigo (a nasty itchy rash all over the place).

- My belly isn't anywhere near as big as it's going to be, but I feel ginormous. It's hard to get used to, and I hate sleeping on my side instead of on my stomach.

- I cry really easily. 

- I am super scatter-brained and tend to mispronounce/forget words, like when I have a migraine. Just the other day I said, "Oh grosh." Nate laughed at me.
- I don't have any "feelings" about whether the baby will be a boy or girl. We should find out really soon though! I think I want a boy first.
- We also don't have any favorite names yet. Anything I like for a day I get over by the next. Hopefully the name wont just be "One."

That's most of the interesting stuff for now. Will keep you all updated from now on. :)

The Trip - Part Two

DAY 2
We left Jessie's around 8am. Today's destination: Olathe, Kansas to stay at my sister Yara's. I was definitely looking forward to this stop, partly because we would take a day off driving the next day and also because I would get to see a bunch of my relatives.

I had a sore throat that morning, and the last thing I wanted was a cold. Maybe it was from reading the Hunger Games to Nate while he drove yesterday?

Most of our drive that day took us through Nebraska, where I was in awe at all the corn. It just goes on and on for miles! Regardless of the sore throat, I kept reading to Nate because there was nothing else to do (yes, he drove the entire trip- I don't do moving trucks, especially with a car trailer attached).

Again, we were only a few hours away when the fun began.

Our GPS took us all the way East to where we would have to cross the Missouri River. What the GPS didn't know was that there had been major flooding that year, and just about every crossing was closed. We tried two or three different routes, trying to find another way to Olathe without going an hour or more back the way we came. Finally we stopped at a gas station where there was yet another "Road Closed" sign, and I asked the man at the counter what to do. He immediately whipped out a copy of a map and highlighted the route for us, saying it had been like this for months. We gratefully went our way once again.

We made it to Olathe around 9:00 that night. We said hi to my niece and nephew before they went to bed, and then chatted with Yara and her husband Aaron for a little while before turning in ourselves. Of course when we told them about our detours, Aaron said, "Oh yeah. Coulda told you that..." Oops.

DAY 3
The next day was our no-driving day. Yara may or may not have skipped class to spend the day with us. We drove around Clinton Lake, went to downtown Lawrence for lunch, and checked out KU's campus. Then we went back to the house for naps before the Shultz Crew came over for pizza and general merry-making.

It was really fun to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins from that side of the family, because it doesn't happen very often, and they are one heck of an entertaining bunch. There are few laughter-free moments among that crowd, and Kansas blood definitely runs in their veins. I love it.

DAY 4
We left the next day after accidentally oversleeping by an hour. Whoops! I felt a little bad, because I think everyone got up earlier than normal to see us off. Guess we should've set a back-up alarm. Fortunately starting a little late was the only incident we faced that day, and it was much less frustrating than trying to find a way across a flooded river.

We made it to Dayton, Ohio sometime in the evening and grabbed dinner and some snacks at a grocery store. We think there must have been a dog food factory nearby, because the air reeked of Kibbles. It was really weird. We checked in to the only hotel of the trip, watched a movie, and went to sleep. It was nice to have an uneventful day.

Oh, and Indiana has just as much corn as Nebraska.

DAY 5
Finally made it to the last day of our trip. I think this was the longest- not in hours, but in I'm-ready-to-be-done-driving-for-the-rest-of-my-life-ness. We were done with our book (I still had a sore throat), we were sick of eating jerky, and there wasn't much in the way of music, unless you're really into Country, which we're not. There were more than enough hills for our truck to crawl up, and we averaged about 35-40 mph on those suckers. Going downhill was fun too; the brakes on a semi in front of us were smoking.

But we did make it. We rolled into Nate's driveway around 7pm, where my parents were waiting with big hugs and hot pizza.

I'll be ok if I never have to ride in a moving truck ever again.

The Trip - Part One

Well, I suppose it's about time I post something, considering we've been in VA for almost a month already! Here's how everything went down.

We started packing almost as soon as we decided to go, since we knew we wouldn't be sticking around for long. Ugh- packing. We've only been married for 4 years, and we already have enough stuff to fill a small moving truck?? If we had kept any of the furniture we would have had to get a ginormous monster-size truck! (Though I kind of wish we had kept our dresser... it was pretty).

On September 9th, after getting the last of everything into the truck and saying goodbye to family and friends, we went to sleep in an almost completely empty apartment. It was weird, and echo-y.

DAY 1
We woke up bright and early (why do we say that- bright? it was definitely dark) the morning of September 10th. It was 6am, about an hour earlier than planned because neither of us could sleep. I ate the last lonely little item in the fridge- a cup of yogurt- and then we carried our mattress out to the dumpster (sorry trash-man!), climbed into the truck and started the first leg of what would be a 5-day journey.

First destination: Cheyenne, Wyoming to stay at my friend Jessie's for the night. We grabbed some bagels from Einstein's, and then drove for hours... and hours... and hours. This would be the shortest day of driving. I didn't know if I could make it all the way to VA! But everything was going smoothly, until... 

We were only about 3 hours away from Jessie's when we stopped for gas and lunch. I would go buy us some sandwiches while Nate filled up. As I reached to lock my door after hopping out, I thought, maybe I should leave this open. I wont be very long... But I decided that was silly because I always lock the doors, so I did, and went on my way.

I got two sandwiches and Nate met me on my way back out. He took his sandwich and said, I locked the key in the truck.

Whaaat!?


Well... that sucks. Nate never makes silly mistakes like that. But getting upset or frustrated wasn't going to help, so we called U-haul and they said they would send someone to open it and that he should arrive in about an hour. We ate our sandwiches, got a couple other snacks, and entertained ourselves with iPod games for the time being. The guy was right on time and got the door open in about 5 minutes, and we didn't even have to pay for it because we had signed up for roadside assistance when we first got the truck. Nice!

We got to Cheyenne about 3 hours later. My friend Jessie's husband is in the Air Force, and they live on base. We had to show ID to come on as visitors. Everything looked fine, until...

The guy running our info told us that although the expiration date printed on Nate's driver's license said sometime in 2013, it came up in the system as already expired- in November of 2010. Apparently there was some confusion when Nate went to get a motorcycle learner's permit waaay back then, and they didn't tell him they were changing the expiration date of his license to match the permit. He never went back to finish his motorcycle license, so he had unknowingly been driving with an expired license for almost a year. Good thing he's a good driver and never got pulled over! Thanks, DMV. Now we can't stay on base.

Except that we could. The guys were really nice and said they would put my name down as the primary person, and Nate would be secondary. And even with an expired license, they let Nate drive the truck in so I wouldn't have to. :) We thought they'd be extra careful since the next day was September 11th, but everything turned out fine.

Jessie fed us a delicious meal of slow-cooker chicken with beans on chips with cheese... it was SO tasty, especially after a long day of driving (Jess, I want your recipe). Then we just "hung out" and chatted until bedtime. Probably stayed up too late for our early start the next day, but it was worth it.

Luckily there wouldn't be so many issues over the next few days. Or so we thought.

The Things I'm Looking Forward to Most

[About Moving]

Pets!

Dishwasher.

Washer and dryer in the house, for FREE.

No school (for a few months).

No 8am church.

No BYU (this category encompasses many things- I'm not a hater, I'm just so done).

And of course, most of all I'm looking forward to spending time with my parents, sister, nieces, and cousins.

5 days till we hit the road!

Movin' Out East!

All right, here's the story.

Nate got his Bachelor's in April, and was all set to do one more year in a post-bachelor's program for teaching. He went to his first day of classes just two days ago on Monday, and hated them. Apparently they are incredibly stupid and all you do all day is play games. Then he said he wasn't sure he really wanted to teach.

I said, "Is it just because your classes are stupid?" 'Cause if that was it, he could suck it up for a year. But he said no. He had been thinking about it for a while but figured that since he had gotten into the program he would just go ahead and do it. However, when it really came down to it, he thought he would prefer to do something more professional-science-y than just being a teacher.

So we're going to go do something else. I told him that whatever he decided was right for him, education-wise, I would be ok with. It's his education, he should do what he wants. He wants to go to Grad school to study Agronomy. Since Fall semester is starting pretty much right now everywhere, the soonest he would be able to get into a program is January. And if not then, August 2012. So we have to move.

We have to move because when he withdraws from his program (the deadline is in a week), we are no longer students, and can't stay in our student housing. So where do we go? To the cheapest place there is! Mom and Dad's house!

We're heading out to Virginia in about a week, and will stay there until we get accepted to a grad program somewhere else.

My coworkers are not too excited about it, but it's good to know I will be missed.
Life is crazy, but life is good.

The Thing About My Family

...is that we are all so very different when it comes to religious and political beliefs. My sister recently commented on how many spiritual beliefs there really are in our family: Jewish, Mormon, Episcopalian, some Native American something-or-other, an "I believe in God but not in religion"... I don't actually even know all of them to list them.

But "the thing" about it is that regardless of our differences in beliefs and opinions, we all still love each other. A lot. And respect each other. And have tons of fun together.

I've wanted to write this post for a couple weeks, because Nate and I went on an [awesome] trip to California and I got to spend a week with my cousins that I rarely get to see anymore. And we are still as close as ever.

Because the differences can be overlooked. First and foremost, we are Family. (Insert music here.) And nothing can ever change that. And we know the value of being raised in a family that is tight-knit and that puts each other first. That looks out for each other, and takes care of each other. That can laugh together and enjoy life's awesome moments together. That can celebrate together- even different religious stepping stones. We went there for my niece's baby blessing, an ordinance we perform in the LDS church instead of infant baptism. In about a year, many of us will meet in Kansas for my nephew's Bar Mitzvah when he turns 13. And it will be great.

Being with my family in California really made me think about how awesome it is that we have always stayed so close, despite the differences. I am so pleased and proud to be part of such a diverse family that really knows how to love. I am a lucky girl.

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On a more humorous note, please enjoy this video.

William Morris

A few days ago, an older couple went through my line at the grocery store. The husband is a frequent customer, but the wife doesn't come in as often, so she said, "Hi, Beth! I haven't seen you in a while! How are you?" We did the small talk thing for a minute, and she said, "What are you studying again?" I politely told her that I had graduated about a year ago, in Art History.

While telling me how she can't believe I'm already done, and how fast the time goes, her husband chimes in, "Oh neat! I have some William Morris ties! I should wear one to show you!"
In my head: William Morris ties? Who the heck is William Morris? Should I know this?? and.. ties??
Out loud: "Oh, cool! Yeah you should wear one sometime."
The man: "Oh I wear them all the time. I have, like, ten!"
"That's awesome." I'm glad their purchase is finished and there's another customer coming...

So, basically, when people hear you studied Art History, they assume you should know the name of every single artist that ever existed. And of course, I couldn't make myself look stupid, so I had to play along!

So I went home and wiki'd William Morris. Apparently he was an English textile designer during the 19th Century. That's great and everything, but uh.. the list of English artists that I am familiar with consists of JMW Turner, Thomas Gainsborough, John Constable, Henry Moore, Benjamin West who doesn't really count, because he was born in Pennsylvania, and William Blake who's mostly known for poetry.

That's a grand total of six artists. We would very briefly touch on furniture design in a few classes, but we didn't talk much about textiles. Maybe if I had studied Interior Design?

His designs are nice enough, I suppose... but next time that man comes in, if he happens to be wearing a tie with a print that looks like it belongs on an ugly armchair, I can look at him with my all-knowing-art-historian's smile and say, "William Morris?"

Thanks, Wikipedia.

Ok, I think this one's kinda pretty.

On, "Do you have anymore in The Back?"

Just a little advice for the next time the grocery store is out of an item and you want to know if they have any more "in The Back."

1. The Back is not some mystical, magical place that, though smaller than the main store, somehow holds all of everything on never-running-out shelves. The Back consists of maybe 3 or 4 cases tops per aisle of the items that can't go out because the shelf is already full. Which means those aren't the items you would be asking for.

2. When an employee says, "I'm not sure, let me check," there is a very small chance that item will be there. If they are going to look for you, it's probably because the item comes from an outside vendor, or they recently had a delivery from their warehouse and they think that maybe that item could have been missed. But mostly they're just being nice.

3. When an employee says, "No, I'm sorry, we don't," trust them. Don't just assume they are being lazy and/or unhelpful. They go back there a lot more frequently than you do, and are therefore much more familiar with how The Back works. Grocery stores can't keep back-stock of everything they carry. Unless your desired item is on the store's Ad for an amazing price, it wont be in The Back.

4. When an employee says, "No, we don't," and you insist that they go back and look anyway, they will: try to hide their sigh of frustration at your wasting their time, walk to The Back, and then stand there for 30 seconds to a minute "fake checking." For real. They will then come out to tell you that to your dismay, they were right, and there isn't any [whatever] in The Back.

So basically, unless you have a valid reason for disbelieving your friendly neighborhood grocer's employees, trust them and believe them when they apologize and tell you they don't have any of whatever it is you wanted in The Back. They have no reason to lie to you- they want you to spend money!

But don't think this means you can't ask- because sometimes that item is back there. Asking is not the problem. Showing that you are annoyed that they don't walk back there to "check," because you don't think there's any way they could possibly know off the top of their head is the problem.

And if you do ask, and the item is in The Back- consider yourself a lucky duck, 'cause you just beat the odds.

#2: Twenty-Four

Yep, that's right.

I am now officially "old."

Ok, I know I'm not really that old. But for some reason, 24 is the age that really means "being a grown-up" to me.

I think it's because when I was in 3rd grade, my big sister got married. She was 24. And because I've looked up to her all my life, I decided then that I would be 24 when I got married too.

Yes, I was wrong- sue me.

But from then on, 24 signified being "grown-up." Because only "grown-ups" get married, right? ha!

Anyway... now that I've reached that age, I don't feel old enough!

I mean, when I was eight, 24 was... old. 

It still sounds old! 22, 23... those are still young. But 24? That's a whole different story. And next year?!

Next year I'll be 25. Don't even get me started on that.

Catch-up Day! What I've Been Up To

Hello my long-lost blog-reading friends!
I haven't posted in so long that I will try to use lots of short paragraphs so as not to overwhelm you with text.

In the end of August I got a second job working at JoAnn's. As you may have read, I was sometimes working up to 55 hours a week, and thought I was going to die. After wondering whether I should quit one of my jobs, and trying to decide which would go, I ended up telling my boss at JoAnn's that I can't work more than 8 hours a week.

That way I get to stay with my friends at Allen's, but also get to keep my foot in the door at JoAnn's- and get to keep my discount, which is a huge plus.

In my new-found less busy schedule (it was only super busy for about a month, but it was killer), I have been doing some more crafts!

I made an adorable (if I may say so myself) shirt for my littlest niece for Halloween... pictures to come once my sister sends me one. I can't believe I forgot to take one!

I also made this blanket for my friend's baby, due to come any day now! She's a complete Texas cowgirl, and his nursery is western-themed, so I thought the horses fit. (Remember that fabric, Jessie? Thanks!)

 I also made this necklace for my little sister for her birthday. I haven't given it to her yet, so she might find out about it from this. Oh well. Happy birthday Leah!!

I think I'm going to make more in all different shapes, and sell them.

Also, I've been reading again. Always love me some Dean Koontz, and I'm currently in Deerskin by Robin McKinley. It's the retelling of an old french fairytale (thanks, Wiki) that never made it to Disney due to its somewhat disturbing content. :) But I recommend it.

Last night Nate and I joined with the wardies to watch the old Audrey Hepburn movie "Wait Until Dark." It's SO good! I saw it years ago with some girlfriends, and have been wanting to see it again since. If you need a suspenseful-and-not-actually-really-scary movie for Halloween, watch it!

Why Can I Not Say No?

Looks like I will be working more than I ever have this week, with a grand total of 55 hours. I think I might die. They need extra help, can you please come in? Sure, why not! GAH. It's ok to say no, Beth...

Edit: I called them back and said no. Back to 50 hours, which is still more than I want, but doable.

I Keep Trying to Write Something

But then I get distracted, bored, or lazy and erase what I've been writing. Life is somewhat unexciting right now. I did go on an awesome trip to Kansas that I'll post about later (lazy) but for now you get this. I have two jobs now, and very little free time, and every day is the same as the last and the next. Until something interesting happens, don't expect much. :)

It's About Time!

Yay for me, I finally graduated!!

Me with niece Traci Jane after commencement.

My whole immediate family came out, including Grandma. Having all three of my siblings was a special treat, because two of them originally weren't going to be able to come.

Here we are, all snuggled up together after a long day of getting up way too early for convocation.

(We had to be there at 7am! Yuck.)

Commencement was on Thursday, but before it started we went to the campus bookstore for some browsing. Cait got her baby some BYU paraphernalia, and grandma bought me some new shirts- score!

When it was time for commencement I was herded into a huge mass of students but was somehow able to find friend Eric Davis so I had someone fun to sit with. After commencement we all went out to eat at me *favorite* restaurant in Provo- India Palace!

Their food is so delicious, and everyone was very content. Except Traci, who was pooped- literally! Ew, frozen peas make for some nasty diapers.

Friday was convocation, which started at 8am but we had to be there at 7:00, as previously mentioned.

Here I am bright and early with the Art History kids in the tunnel waiting to go to our seats!

I was able to find my family in the crowd right away, and watched them look for me through my dad's camera. Baby Traci LOVES to "dance" or bounce, so it was always easy to spot them after looking away.

There was a saxophone number (picture bouncing baby) and some long boring speeches about life and art and whatnot, and then they finally let us file across the stage to receive our "diplomas."

After convocation we went to lunch at Rubio's, my other favorite restaurant in Provo (graduation = being spoiled). Once we had feasted on their delicious Mexican food, we napped (this is when the snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug picture happened).

Then there was some general hanging out and being lazy, playing with the baby and watching movies on TV.

At some point during the week- the order of things is starting to get fuzzy- I went with my sister Caitlin and her friend Whitney to watch Traci swim! She loves being in the water and I took about a million pictures of her.

Eventually my family had to go back to their homes scattered around the country... it was sad, but I'm so glad they all came out. I had a great time, and I have the best family anyone could ever ask for.

Thanks for all the love and support, you guys are awesome!!

Here's to having a degree!

¡Mucha Confusión!

Ohmygoodness! I'm so tired of not knowing what we're going to do after we graduate!

1. Nate double majors adding Biology Teaching (to Environmental Science), we're here for 2 more years so he can get his teaching degree. Found out he can't double major.
2. Nate doesn't double major; Beth goes to BYU for her Masters, takes 2 years, Nate works and doesn't progress at all in the education department. Not going to happen.
3. Nate doesn't double major; we go to VA and wait a year until we're residents so we can afford grad school tuition. Live with the 'rents to help save money. Sad to leave our friends, happy to be near family. Up until an hour ago, we thought this was going to happen. But then:
4. Nate figures out he might be able to do a one-year post-baccalaureate program at BYU that would certify him to teach Environmental Science, and therefore Biology, which is what he wants. Beth can either take a break from school and work like a crazy person or get her Masters at BYU, taking one year longer than Nate (if she gets in).

As soon as we think we know what we're doing, some option is either taken away or pops up and we have to reconsider everything!

If Nate gets into the post-bacc. teaching program, we're going to stay here. If not, we'll be headed east. Or so it seems, at the moment.

Cinnamon Research Soup

So ever since January rolled around and grocery stores stocked themselves full of Valentine's candy, I have been obsessed (Nate and my coworkers can vouch for this) with  Cinnamon Jelly Hearts!

I blame my grandma for this. She is the one who introduced me to these delicious little jellies so many years ago. They are quite possibly my favorite candy of all time, considering that I eat ridiculous amounts of them every January and February. I think I've consumed about 5 bags so far, just in the last month or so. I love candy and always eat too much of it (I'm trying to be more healthy, as you'll see further down) but nothing even comes close to these. No other holiday produces a specific goody that I go so crazy over. My body must be on corn syrup and cinnamon overload, but I just can't resist!

I can't think of a smooth transition for this, so stay with me- now we're going to talk about my thesis.

My teacher pretty much told me that my original paper [connecting the image of the Devil with Christ] just doesn't really work. But she likes the image and wants me to talk about misogyny in the 16th century and fear of women instead. Women were believed to be in league with the devil during the Reformation years, so I guess that's what my paper will become. I'm a little bummed though, because the whole reason I chose this painting is because of the gesture Death is making- a symbol used by Christ when blessing the righteous- and now I don't know if that will even be incorporated with my new paper.

I still don't have a specific "thesis statement" figured out, and that's pretty stressful. But I'm doing TONS of research, and I figure that eventually something will hit me. I have books coming out my ears! Books on women in the 16th century, books about the Reformation, books about Superstitions, books books books! I don't know how I'm ever going to have time to wade through them all, but I need to do it fast. Since I'm completely redoing everything, my original 8-page paper is irrelevant and I'm starting with zero pages. 15 may not seem like a lot, but when you don't know the direction you're going and you have a deadline... it can be a little scary. The countdown is to remind myself to do a little work every day.

Time for another awkward transition...

Now, as I said before, I like to have real food sometimes, and I've been trying to experiment a little. It's nice to have something you can just heat up in between school and work, or when you get home late. Anyway, I found this recipe for Quinoa Chili- all the ingredients are super healthy, and I love pretty much any kind of soup, so I decided to go for it! Check out my tasty creation:

It was delicious! I definitely recommend it. Not only is it really yummy and healthy and all that good stuff, but its super filling! I could barely finish a whole bowl. Perfect for a cold icky day, like we've been having recently.

[Side note: If you're planning on making some, the recipe makes a HUGE batch. Since we only have a 2-quart (?) pot, I only made half. Also, obviously, if you want a vegetarian/vegan version, just switch the chicken broth to veggie and you're good!]

So those are some of the more interesting things going on in my life right now. I still loathe my Spanish class, but I'll save that for another post.

Oh, and I do like my hair. But I still feel bad for doing that to Nate. What a patient guy!

Hair Regret?

So I  chopped my hair off (again).

This is actually a pretty big issue in our little home, because I know that Nate loves long hair, but whenever mine is long, it lives in a ponytail. It's rare to find a picture of me with ponytail-length hair left falling to my shoulders. Ever since I was a little girl, my hair has been pulled back out of my face.

I figured out that I don't like the feeling of it on my neck. Hence a ponytail or short hair, always.

Nate likes my ponytail about as much as he likes short hair, which is not really at all; and I've been feeling ready for a change from it, so I decided to cut it. If Nate felt the same about my hair either way, why not? He was even sweet about it and consented that I do look good with short hair, and since he knows I wont start wearing it down on a regular basis after 23 years of it pulled back why not just go for it.

So I did, yesterday.

I wanted to try something different. Perhaps be like my big sister Yara, who has had about a million different hairstyles and is great at pulling them off. I look a lot like her, so I figure I can pull off different stuff too.

Not the asymmetrical Victoria Beckham cut, apparently.

The main problem: I didn't have a picture with me to show the stylist. BIG no-no. I always take a picture with me. Unfortunately though, the printer was broken and I didn't want to go all the way to campus to print off a hairstyle that I figured a stylist would be familiar with. And they usually have books with pictures of various styles, so I thought I could find the same or a similar one.

I should have stopped at the broken printer.

I didn't find a picture that was close enough. So I tried to describe what I wanted to the stylist. Didn't work.

The long side looked good (maybe I'll try it again someday when I actually have a picture), but the short side was weird, and just looked awkward. She wasn't getting it. I had been there almost two hours (let's not fail to mention she was slower than mud) when I decided this wasn't working. I could tell she was tired and hoping I would just leave when she said, "Well, if you don't like it, you can always come back."

What?! If I don't like it, I'm not going to leave until I do! Psycho. I'm sorry your stomach is growling, but I'm not leaving with a freaky 'do.

So I told her to chop it all off. It's a style I'm familiar with and know I can pull off. Nate doesn't like super short hair, so even though I've had it like this and liked it in the past, I was pretty disappointed. I told him I wasn't going to do it that way again, and had every intention of keeping that promise. However, it's definitely better than it would have looked with the icky asymmetrical mess.

I have now drastically chopped my hair 4 times, the first being when I was a wee little 8th grader. I have loved it 3 of those times, though I've received a variety of reactions from others. (Mostly good, though I know my parents and hubby aren't the biggest fans- sorry guys).

I can't decide how I feel about it this time.

I'm bummed because I feel like I let Nate down.
But I do feel a little bit spunky.
And I know my grandma and parents will hate it.
But it's kind of liberating.

Nate was wonderful about the whole situation. I told him the story and that I was sorry, and he gave me a nice long hug. I didn't cry about my hair- never really seen much purpose, it always grows back- but he was and is being a sweetheart. If you see me and you like my hair, tell me so, because it will make me feel a little better about it. I'll probably post a picture eventually.